me : uishh....terkejot....naper? r u ok?
M mate :(with a serious face, dat i have adapted to..and can interpret well) hmmmm......sy ada bnda nk cakap ni
me : haaa? alamak....damn...sy ada buat salah lagi ke? big boss marah eh? (tpi, bukan ke dier kt *****? xkn sebok2 dgn event ada msa nk marah aku ni?)
M mate : (geleng kepala)..tak....haii..susahla bila org dh put trust ni...
me : aaaa? amendenye? xpehe...
M mate : sy baru dpt tau dr en.qwxrt, awk nk ditarik blk ke kementerian..
me : (wide eyed ) hahhhhhhh???????!!!!!!!!!!!!! takk...saya xmintak pon!!! ni smer salah en.xzrty!!! kan sy dh ckp, haritu msa sy gi kursus tu, saya satu table dgn dierr.......
M mate : sy tau, bukan salah awak...saya tak tau lah nk cakap apa....haiiii......
me : do i have a choice?
gulpppp.......leave? me? me leaving? heckkkk....baru 1bln, 12 hari im doing my task here.....im d first M to do dis task in dis no M's land....can i simply leave? whut wud people say? whut wud d B says? and, most of all...whut wud my big boss says?erkkkkssss.....
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dat was how d news was conveyed to me....i know the real story....i know how it all happened....it all happened sumwhere in march.....d final days of marCh (refer to previous blog)...however, due to some reason, i didnt put it down in words...i refuse to...coz, i dont see anything good if i write it dowN...but i have witnesses...they were there d whole time...during both incidents..they know i m innocent.....
few hours later..i was on phone with one of d people dat i trust d most in dis world....
kak Y : alhamdulillah......akak suke kalau sarah kt kementerian....with all d stories dat u've told me....and d fact dat u have no boss there, it is gud for u dear...
me : i know akak...but, why do i feel so sad? why am i reluctant? i know dis is gud...but y am i feeling sad to leave dis place?
kak Y : ur feeling sad coz u've juZ got d news....and u r feeling guilty to them....that's all... i know u sarah. u nk jaga hati orang...u keep on thinking abt d others...but u have to remember to jaga ur hati first......
me : yes, true akak.....huhuuuu.......dis is hard...i cant believe im sad to leave...
kak Y : in my opinion, there r only two reasons y ur feeling like dat. one, sbb ur feeling guilty with them and scared, and two, because u've fallen in love with dat place....SO, which is it???
gulpppp.....me? fallen in love with dis place?
few weeks ago...during a meeting to discuss dis one big event coming dis juNe...
mr.chairman : cafe 90099 ? berapa lama show dier nk bagi kita?
mr. mnjhk : ermm....kalau ikot ****, RM ****
mr.chairman : cik sarah, have u been to cafe 90099 ?
me : (gulp)errr....errr.... tak pernah...
director p : alhamdulillah..
and then, there was burst of laughter...and i cud feel my face turning red...eh, salah ke?bukan hardrock cafe tu yg mcm ada org wat persembahan2 tu ke? apasalahnya kalo x prnah mkan kt situ? ehh....am i weird?
mr. chairman : cik 78783, nnt bwak cik sarah kita ke situ..
huhuuuuu...sedih nyee....but i still kept my head high....i dont see why shud i feel ashame for dat...biarlaa...
when d meeting ends...
mr. mnjhk : so....cik sarah, bile kta nk gi cafe 90099 ?
dalam hati, nk je aku cekik mamat ni......
haiiiiii.......sabo jeleee......truth is, if the real reason they want me to go there to get extra budget for dis event....i wud b more than happy to slash it down....with the reason : MAKSIAT....hheheeee...but, of course i wudnt do dat..... when i talked to my close friends regarding to dis mater, alhamdulillah....they gave me d same answer...so whut if xpernah gi situ?
hmmmm...truth is, i really dont know which is d best....seriously, ALL my close friends wants me to go..wants me to leave....maybe due to d fact dat i was so stressed out....truth is, i wud still choose to stay here rather than go back to my previous place (although i miss my previous place dearly)...
yes...i dnt deny dat i dont see any pros of staying....i can only see d cons.....but maybe d fact that i've adapted to the whole surrounding is making me saD.... now i dont mind having my lunch alone in front of d pC.... i dont have trouble with finding d right route to go back home (after numerous time of sesatness)....i dont mind buying breakfast alone.....i can recall d names of all d directors in my department & identify who r their subordinates (which i thought wud be impossible 1 month ago)...i dnt mind attending the events dat my department is organizing every month....people has stopped assuming me as a practical student...i get along fine with all my anak buah....truth is, dis 1 month was bearable bcoz of them...maybe sbb tu kot aku sedih?
me? fallen in love? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???
haiii.....nnt nak kena go through all over it again...adapting to a new place affects ur psychology.....huhuu...
whutever it is, im thankful to Allah.....i prayed to Allah to put me in d best place..i let Him chose....if dis is ketentuan Allah.....aku redha.....berserah dan bertawakal.......
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