complicated....

sigh.....
haiiiii....letih la mcm ni......shud i write down all d words on my mind? am i going to be in trouble? hmmm......

i know d implications dat i might face when i was there....at first, i thought dat its juz gonna be an awkward situation...a place where M is d minority.....and the remaining of it would be conquered by other scheme... i thought i know how it was going to be...i heard rumours....i heard news..i heard experiences frm other friends.....and i thought, whut the heck....im here...juz follow d flow, rite? as long as i did nothing wrong, insya Allah...everything wud be allrite.... plus, im holding onto d words of my PPK back during d years when i was in my 6 month course sumwhere in kiara...he said "pandai-pandailah bawak diri, tapi, jangan nak MEMANDAI-MANDAI"..... well, as long as we know how to mingle & bawak diri, M shud be ok surviving on their own in a no M's land....

well, am i right? or m i wrong?

so, a few days after i was there...i heard bad rumours...really bad ones...ok....dis is scary...but i really thought dat it was simply a matter of B against M....kannn? insya Allah..i will do my best not to be like dat...

but, last tuesday......of all d day...i went to a place where all of d decision makers, policy adjusters met.....and, my oh my....of all d ppl dat i was destined to be sitting with, i ended up sitting with the person whom i always heard d name, but havent seen d face...

so, dis is d person...the one who triggered everything..... hmmmmmm.....looking at him, he seems like a nice person...but once he opened his mouth...makkkkk aihhhhh....wowwww......ok, lets not kutuk ppl in here...

i sat quietly, listening to him talking & gossiping.....i heard it all, believe me, it was quite hard sumtimes, to separate his voice frm d facilitator's voice....i prefer to listen to d facilitator, coz, i dont want to be in trouble when my big boss wants me to explain to her later....but, i cant help but noticing dat there were times d name of my current department was being raised, and it was always abt negative things..is it juz me? or my department is problematic? well, i paid no attention whutsoever....plus, he doesnt seem to acknowledge me at all (which is kinda weird for me, coz, all M will eventually talk to each other....with the favorite question "batch mana?")..

2nd day....
him : berhati2 yer kat ctu
me : berhati2? dengan saper?
him : haii...berhati2 je lah

3rd day.........
after one day sitting in d same table, i heard more things....and, on d third day, he said
him : jaga2 la kat situ.... abcd(bukan nama sebenar) tu, tikam dari belakang, ok...
me : haaaa? abcd? dier tikam dr belakang? nmpk baik je?
him : lagi satu, nama dier pqrs(bkn nama sebenar) pon sama....
me : ternganga..

ini sudah beratt......apa aku nk buat ni?sighhhhhhhh... im in a very2 complicated situation....Ya ALLAH....kepada Mu aku mengadu....Bantulah hambamu..Lindungilah aku daripada dianiayai....Hanya kepada Engkau aku berserah....Sesungguhnya, hanya Engkau tempatku berlindung..amin....