SOMBONG

me? sombong?

huhuuuuu....adakah aku sombong? ke aku sukar didekati? owhhhh....seriusly...i dont think im sombong.....huhuuuuuu...im one of d most friendly people ever existed in dis world....exaggerating? heheee...maybe? but truly, i despise sombong people, and i truly believe i m not.......

so, when dis one guy told me dat it seems dat im sombong, i was kinda pissed off ( a bit)....

he even mentioned i am not so friendly with my anak2 buah...... hmmmmmm...

okie, i do take critiques positively. it means dat im not defensive....however, i do feel a bit saD...aku dh nak blah baru tau anak2 buah aku terasa dgn aku....but, come again.....whut d heLL...... TAPI....i treated my anak2 buah nicely... i talk slowly, politely with them...aku tak pernah marah2 anak buah aku..... i asked information nicely....and when they cudnt give d answer, i juz smiled and requested them to deliver it soon...i even say thank u for EVERYTHING dat they gave me..... i laughed with them...i even gave my anak buah my textbooks...when my anak buah applied for a leave, i always approved it..so, apa lagi x kenaaaa? when other pengarah disturbed my anak buah, i wud ask them nicely whut happened....i never scolded them...im not perfect...im not an angeL....please respect that....i NEVER complained abt my anak2 buah...i accepted them juz d way they r.....huhuuuu...but y r they judging ME?

dis is ME..... i know my boundaries....yes, i dont eat with my anak buah....but dat DOES NOT mean i dont respect them...... bukan aku berlagak....bukan sbb "eh, ko staf, x layak mkan dgn aku"...NO...so not truE.....i have no problem eating with them....dah orang x ajak? kaN?

plus, msa aku kt tmpt lama, aku makan je dgn anak2 buah aku...xde msalah....i do have my own boudaries, but, apa salahnya? bukan nye aku hina my anak buah...NEVER DID, AND NEVER WOULD...i respect them....i adore them...they r my teachers in kewangan....so whut if i dont share any personal/private stuff with them? TAK BERDOSA PON? kan?

yes, i do have trust issue...back in my previous office...i only trust 6 people...huhuuuu..imagine working there diligently for the past 3 years, and u only find 6 people dat u can truly trust...gheeeeeeeeeeeeeee....i do have a complicated trust issue! well, after ALL that had happened, i have my own reasons as to y i refuse to b close to juz simply anyone from my office...if u had d same experience, im sure u wud do d SAME....

so, y do i care so much abt whut people think abt me?

saya tak sombong lah....owhh....whut d heLL....

my heart wants sumthing dat i cnt finD

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......................

dh ntah berapa kali dh aku mengeluh dlm diam dis few weeks.....dh berapa kali aku dok mengeluh dlm hati...

aku sedih.................sedih sgT...................

my bestrfiend : ala sarah.......try je laaaaa.....mana tau....................

my other guy friend : u bg je lah dier email.....u've got nothing to loose, man!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............

biarlah......aku mntak extend for two weekS...aku sja letak 2 weeks...but when i explained it to my tkp......aku ckp la need more time to settle so many tasks....and, in d same time, right on my mind " to have extra time to see him"......

truth is...i dnt think my new soon to be boss will approve d 2 weeks extension.....confirm nxt friday is d last for me.....and....mmg xjmpe dh la kan after dis?

will dis fade away?

it took me almost 1 and a half year to be like dis....to b able 2 smile.....to b able 2 listen to songs dat previously wud brought tears to my cheek.......and now.....haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....and aku dh jadi stalker pulak tu kt fb!

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....

biarkan berlalu?

biarkanlah.......

insya Allah, ada hikmah.....

complicated part 2

one fine day...as i was diligently doing my work..concentrating hard with the paper dat i've been working on for the past 1 month, suddenly my M mate appeared out of nowhere right in front of my desk....

me : uishh....terkejot....naper? r u ok?

M mate :(with a serious face, dat i have adapted to..and can interpret well) hmmmm......sy ada bnda nk cakap ni

me : haaa? alamak....damn...sy ada buat salah lagi ke? big boss marah eh? (tpi, bukan ke dier kt *****? xkn sebok2 dgn event ada msa nk marah aku ni?)

M mate : (geleng kepala)..tak....haii..susahla bila org dh put trust ni...

me : aaaa? amendenye? xpehe...

M mate : sy baru dpt tau dr en.qwxrt, awk nk ditarik blk ke kementerian..

me : (wide eyed ) hahhhhhhh???????!!!!!!!!!!!!! takk...saya xmintak pon!!! ni smer salah en.xzrty!!! kan sy dh ckp, haritu msa sy gi kursus tu, saya satu table dgn dierr.......

M mate : sy tau, bukan salah awak...saya tak tau lah nk cakap apa....haiiii......

me : do i have a choice?

gulpppp.......leave? me? me leaving? heckkkk....baru 1bln, 12 hari im doing my task here.....im d first M to do dis task in dis no M's land....can i simply leave? whut wud people say? whut wud d B says? and, most of all...whut wud my big boss says?erkkkkssss.....

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dat was how d news was conveyed to me....i know the real story....i know how it all happened....it all happened sumwhere in march.....d final days of marCh (refer to previous blog)...however, due to some reason, i didnt put it down in words...i refuse to...coz, i dont see anything good if i write it dowN...but i have witnesses...they were there d whole time...during both incidents..they know i m innocent.....

few hours later..i was on phone with one of d people dat i trust d most in dis world....

kak Y : alhamdulillah......akak suke kalau sarah kt kementerian....with all d stories dat u've told me....and d fact dat u have no boss there, it is gud for u dear...

me : i know akak...but, why do i feel so sad? why am i reluctant? i know dis is gud...but y am i feeling sad to leave dis place?

kak Y : ur feeling sad coz u've juZ got d news....and u r feeling guilty to them....that's all... i know u sarah. u nk jaga hati orang...u keep on thinking abt d others...but u have to remember to jaga ur hati first......

me : yes, true akak.....huhuuuu.......dis is hard...i cant believe im sad to leave...

kak Y : in my opinion, there r only two reasons y ur feeling like dat. one, sbb ur feeling guilty with them and scared, and two, because u've fallen in love with dat place....SO, which is it???

gulpppp.....me? fallen in love with dis place?

few weeks ago...during a meeting to discuss dis one big event coming dis juNe...

mr.chairman : cafe 90099 ? berapa lama show dier nk bagi kita?

mr. mnjhk : ermm....kalau ikot ****, RM ****

mr.chairman : cik sarah, have u been to cafe 90099 ?

me : (gulp)errr....errr.... tak pernah...

director p : alhamdulillah..

and then, there was burst of laughter...and i cud feel my face turning red...eh, salah ke?bukan hardrock cafe tu yg mcm ada org wat persembahan2 tu ke? apasalahnya kalo x prnah mkan kt situ? ehh....am i weird?

mr. chairman : cik 78783, nnt bwak cik sarah kita ke situ..

huhuuuuu...sedih nyee....but i still kept my head high....i dont see why shud i feel ashame for dat...biarlaa...

when d meeting ends...

mr. mnjhk : so....cik sarah, bile kta nk gi cafe 90099 ?

dalam hati, nk je aku cekik mamat ni......

haiiiiii.......sabo jeleee......truth is, if the real reason they want me to go there to get extra budget for dis event....i wud b more than happy to slash it down....with the reason : MAKSIAT....hheheeee...but, of course i wudnt do dat..... when i talked to my close friends regarding to dis mater, alhamdulillah....they gave me d same answer...so whut if xpernah gi situ?

hmmmm...truth is, i really dont know which is d best....seriously, ALL my close friends wants me to go..wants me to leave....maybe due to d fact dat i was so stressed out....truth is, i wud still choose to stay here rather than go back to my previous place (although i miss my previous place dearly)...

yes...i dnt deny dat i dont see any pros of staying....i can only see d cons.....but maybe d fact that i've adapted to the whole surrounding is making me saD.... now i dont mind having my lunch alone in front of d pC.... i dont have trouble with finding d right route to go back home (after numerous time of sesatness)....i dont mind buying breakfast alone.....i can recall d names of all d directors in my department & identify who r their subordinates (which i thought wud be impossible 1 month ago)...i dnt mind attending the events dat my department is organizing every month....people has stopped assuming me as a practical student...i get along fine with all my anak buah....truth is, dis 1 month was bearable bcoz of them...maybe sbb tu kot aku sedih?

me? fallen in love? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???

haiii.....nnt nak kena go through all over it again...adapting to a new place affects ur psychology.....huhuu...

whutever it is, im thankful to Allah.....i prayed to Allah to put me in d best place..i let Him chose....if dis is ketentuan Allah.....aku redha.....berserah dan bertawakal.......