d evolution of my social skills

i've always been friendly....talkactive...and nice....(hheehee.....i dont mean to boast, but...i think, i am nice)...

errr....was, actually...was talkactive....and friendly... when i was small, my family always move around...so, if im not friendly, how did i cope all the new surroundings, rite? i attended 3 primary schools and 2 secondary schooLs...believe me, being friendly is damn easy...but mixing around, is not...

so, when i did my last "friendliness" in a secondary school years and years agO...it didnt work out quite well..maybe because of the tradition of dat school...or they simply were quite conservative when it come to choosing their friend or "geng" ( u see, i was kinda different back then.....in other words, aku freehair)

but, dat was in secondary school.....when i entered my matriculation centre...i was happy.....i had friends....true friends....they r d ones who still stick to me till dis day and can be considered as true friends....heheee....however, i must admit dat, there were timeS back in d matriculation centre where i had to lunch alone.....dine alone...not because i didnt have friends...but, it was different....how different? well, i didnt think having ur meals at ur friend's room was ok...as much as i hate eating alone, i dont actually like interrupting one's privacy.....however, i must admit, my closest friends were the ones whom i always had my lunch & dinner with.....

in main campus, it was another story.....i had friend will me all d way.....however, i muz admit dat when i first started majoring, i had no friends ( d ones i was always with chose accounts, instead of economics)....mind u, for someone like me, being alone is actually quite depressing.....however, i managed to find other friends....and, blended well  too... i guess? coz, i had no trouble finding friends for  studygroups.....for assignment team..and blabla...i even had friends for lunch after classes....friends for breakfast before classes and friends for dinner.....and, they truly are my true friends..... 

well...fast forward....d working world....i first started everything as " totallybeing alone" when i joined the graduate training programme, under dis one company's csr (corporate social responsibility)...well....i muz say...im proud of myself, coz i managed to find friends within a few  hours....and, i muz admit, they were among the nicest people in d world...(its not easy to find ppl dat u can simply "click" within a few hours)

when i joined the so called ptd...d first thing dat i was exposed to was the 10-day course sumwhere in kluang...in the 1st few days, i was ok, coz we moved in groups...but a few days later, when there were no more moving in groups, reality slapped me in the face...i dont actually have friends??? huhuu...dont get me wrong,..they r nice...and at dat time, i know there were nice ppl, its juz dat i cudnt find them? plus, i juz dont see myself making friends everytime i sit for my breakfast, lunch or dinner...seriously...although i consider myself as friendly, but, do i have to do "hai...i'm sarah" everytime i want to eat? everytime i sat next to a stranger? so, i chose the best natural way to survive...juz shut ur mouth & smile to ppL....well, actually, i feel less stressed...because, everytime u introduce urself to a stranger, ur kinda forced to talk abt almost anything....and, i dont actually like it....because, its either u have to impress ppl with ur knowledge or give educational feedback...no, dat is not me....i  wanna eat, not force my brain to work!!!

when i first joined the working world....err, few weeks after the course in kluang...i was ok....i had friends at the office (but, not at home)...although i muz admit, there were many2 times i had to brunch all alone at the office...not bcoz of i dont have friends, but i prefer dat way.....i wud go to the cafe, bought food & eat my food around 11 am while watching martha stewart....huhuuu.....was i unhappy at dat time? well, not really though (eventhough i lose a lot of weight)

so, whut did i do when 1pm came?  simple, juz watch tv....hmmm....i dont know why, but i see myself as not trying to socialize too much with my officemate....maybe sbb majoriti lelaki? or maybe sbb majoriti dah kawen? but, seriously, the ladies there were nice....maybe, i was less interested to socialize there...and, i keep telling myself dat i'll be there for only 6 months coz after i'd be off for my DPA course in INTAN.. dat made it easier for me not to socialize too much....weeee......

6 months later....the dpa thingy....d one dat i was soo worried.....worried coz i was afraid i might not be able to get through it...with me being soo claustophobic and achrophobiac....i was constantly reminded with all d bad imaginations of almost all the activities...however, i muz admit dat i managed to face it all....weeee....and, not to forget dat i forged a new friendship with a few people.....they made DPA bearable for me throughout the 6 months..im not ashamed to confess dat, i only managed to be closed to a few people only.....weeee.....do i have problem mixing with people? NO....did they hated me? NO (im pretty sure on dat)...its juz dat, i had trust issues....hehehe....i tend to shut my mouth when im surrounded with ppl dat i dont know (and dont like)...

i dont know why, its damn hard for me to trust people, especially when i started working....looking back, most of my friends dat still stick to me till dis days are my buddies  from iiu......yes, i do have close friends at the office, and, i do trust them...however,they are actually less than 5 person...

i juz realised dat im not dat close to my ptd friends....in ptd, we were taught to always stay connected to our batch....means dat, if my batch has 400++ ptds, i shud at least, know their faces....so dat, my work in d future wud be easy.....fair enuff.....i totally agree on dat.....being ptd, means dat u need to have a wide connection.....well, as for me, dat kind of connection i never ever intended to use.....im not saying dat d connection is bad, its juz dat, i dont feel like being connected to them.. i never went out to hang out with my ptd friends (other than my officemate)...i havent attend one of the weddings of my ptd friends, althoough i received their invitation cards.. (but i attended my iiu buddies weddings...hehee...)

so, actually, whut is wrong me? is dis juz a trust issue? whut does a trust issue got to do with networking? with cathing up with ur friends? huhuuu.....i guess, dis is juz me, i have trust issues....fair enuff....ke aku dh takder social skills?

lesson learned....

it was another normal day at work....the only thing dat was not so normal on dat day was i had to go to sibu aftework.....weeee....so....here's d story....

as usual, i woke up kinda late-r than d usual time.....so i said to myself, xper la...bkan selalu lmbt...and as i was driving slowly & peacefully to work, i thought...hmmmm... maybe i shud stop at petronas....isi minyak & withdraw some money...i had less than rm50 in my wallet and being outstation needs cash.....bla blaa....oppss...missed the junction to the petronas....oh, whut d heck....amek duit kt klia je la ptg karang....weeeeeee....

at office, i juz remembered dat i forgot to bring a small towel ( mmg la hotel sediakan towel, juz dat i felt uneasy...whut if xderr?? ) and also, i think i might need extra pants...so..i made a quick mental note....balik umah during lunch hour.....and when it was 1pm....malasss nyerr...xperla... i guess i juz leave the office b4 5 and get back to the office by 5... (coz i was supposed to go to the klia using the office transport)

4pm ...it was raining heavily ...
my direct boss : "sarah, u jaga xyz kan.... esok ikut saya gi xyz....ada kursus"
me : sorry bos, sy nk pi sibu malam ni.....
my direct boss : sibu? owhh...lupa....so, prepare all the reports that have been presented to us by xyz and please e-mail it to me... ada 4 report sumer...make sure u e-mail it b4 u leave...
me : okie....

damn....mana nk cari lagi 3 report? tick tock tick tock.....time is running out!

4.15pm ....still raining heavily..
me : shooootttt!!! sapa pilot nk pi klia karang? naik keta aper? kena kol pilot!
so i dialled the number, and it turned out that the pilot who's suppose to take me& my officemate to the klia had another assignment.....huhuuu.......cemana nk pi klia ni??

4,30......raining cats & dogs...
as i was packing all the files & stuff i need to bring to sibu......2 of my bosses came and lay-park at my workstation...and were talking abt the current affairs...damn..aku nk curi2 balik ni!!

5 pm.....damn....dah le hujan....nk balik lagi...janji dgn pilot 5.30...huhuuu...kena balik jugak amek xtra pants, towel & seliper (sebab, most probably i had to take a boat to the site....takkan nk pakai kasut? and, based on my experience taking a boat sumwhere in pahang a few years ago, i seriously think it is better to wear slipper)

5.05 ...
me : awak, saya blik dlu, nnt jmper kt lobi tengah...dh janji dengan pilot..ni plat number keta
officemate : awak nk blik hujan2 ni? yelah...jumpa karang

5.20
officemate : (sms) awak dh sampai?
me : (sms) dah sampai....dh sampai umah...baru nk gerak pi ofis balik....
officemate : (sms) okie

oh no....dh lambat....kna buat putrajaya drift ni......makk...hujan lebat...tak nampak jalan.....is dat a car or juz my imagination?? owh...how i regretted not coming back masa lunch hour tadi.....huhuuu....dah lmbat...cepatttt!!!!

5.44.....finally....all safe & sound....inside the car to klia....weeeee...sejukkk.....sbb, aku dh redah hujan...my socks are wet...my shoes are wet.......WAIITTAAAMINUTE.....NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

me : awak!! sy luper tukar kasut!!!!!! saya pakai heels!!!!!!
officemate : huh? luper tukar? awak pakai heels? takpe, heels awak x tinggi..bleh je kot pakai lawat site..rilek awak...

pakai heels? lawat site? nak naik bot? dengan heels???? damn! dis is not good.....tak pernah2 aku lawat projek dgn heels....huhhu....okie, dont panic......think sarah....think.... fine, i'll juz buy a new shoes at klia.....tapiiiii...i juz bought a new pair of shoes for site visits 2 weeks ago....takkan nk bli kasut lagi....membazirrr.....tpi...takkan nk pakai heels? gile ke? nnt org state gelak!!! fine...juz buy the bloody new shoe!

sembonia .... 6.15 pm
me : awak, kasut ni cool
officemate : yup...cool....
me : yang ni pun....yg mana satu ni....fine, i'll take dis one..miss, ada size 6 tak? tak nak yg display
sales assistant : cik, sorry, size 6 tinggal yg display je...saiz 7 ada la..
me : size 6 ke size 7? size 6 ke size 7?
officemate : awak, ape masalahnye kalao bli yg display..takkan awak nk bli size 7? beso tu..
me : a'ah...nnt kalo saya naik bot, saya lompat atas pengkalan, tpi kasut tertinggal dalam bot, cemana?? miss, i'll take size 6
sales assistant : okie...dat wud be RMxx
me : u accept credit card?
sales assistant : yes....thank you........ (2 minutes later) .... miss, sorry, ur card is declined
me : huhhhh? declined???? (aku JARANG shopping!) kad yg ni bole?
sales : sorry miss...card ni pun declined
me : (terkejut beruk...damn....cemana nk tdor kt hotel if both cards kena decline...WEIRD...aku jarang shopping!!!!!!!!!!! ) kejap yer...sy withdraw duit (withdraw sekali la duit utk outstation)

at the atm machine.....i inserted my card...punch my pin....and wait for my money to come out from the machine....and suddenly...TRANSACTION UNAUTHORIZED.....

i almost cried at dat moment.....im a few minute away from boarding a flight to sibu...and i am not allowed to make any transaction with my credit cards...and i cant withdraw money ...and i have no shoes for my site visit!!! how on earth cud this thing happen 2 me????!!!!!
okie....dont panic....dont panic...think......move to the next atm.....okie...deep breath.....punch again the pin...and....walllaahhh....i have money!!!

so, i quickly went back to the shop...paid the damn shoes and quickly find gate no.9.....which happened to be very far & require a long walk....it kinda destressing, actually........

7.20 pm
bank : hello..assalamualaikum...saya abu...apa boleh saya bantu?
me : assalamualaikum....encik...saya sarah nak tanya sikit sebab tadi saya nk buat transaction dgn dua-dua kad kredit saya tpi decline la
bank : boleh saya dapatkan nombor kad kredit cik?
me : sure.... xxxxxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxx
bank : cik sarah tadi nk buat transaction tu di mana?
me : dekat klia...kedai sembonia..saya tak boleh beli barang tadi...kad kena decline (okie...masa nk aku mmg dh nk nangis)
bank : la..ye ker.....takpe cik...mengikut rekod....last transaction cik adalah di hush puppies...dan takde langsung rekod pembelian di sembonia.....kad cik takde masalah..maybe line dkt kedai tu ada problem...cik boleh shopping lagi ni....ada balance lagi RMXXXXXXXXX
me : (cis...hampeh) ooo...xder masalah yer...mekasih...assaalamualaikum..

huhuu....fuhhh...thank GOD takde msalah....seriously, whut wud i do if card tu ada problem? im not the kind of person who wud bring lots of cash to places dat im nt familiar with....it is true dat at least we shud have some cash with us...but, with the duration of days im staying there, which is 3 days, i dont think its proper to have lots of cash....i juz dont feel safe...

lesson learned.......
1. if outstation.....pack barang betol2
2. withdraw duit awal2
3. pakai kasut utk site visit dri awal2 lagi..bukan masa nk bertolak!

mmg pengajaran lah utk aku....im not boasting or anything, but, i am truly systematic all dis while...i have my list of things to bring for outstation...dis is not the first time aku outstation..all this while, i never forget anything for my outstation....huhuu...guess, dis is juz a new experience for me.....weeeee....
and.....thank god tak naik bot....tapi kna naik feri....3 kali baru aku sampai kat site....and worst of all....aku mabuk kereta...sebab jalan nk ke sana tak berapa nk ok...huuhuuu...sedih....

luckily i brought dat extra pants, sbb, seluar aku sangat kotor...and y is dat so? sbb kereta tu kotor, sbb jalan tu kotor....so....berbaloi ke sebenarnya aku beli kasut tu? berbaloi kot? sebab, actually, kalo bkan sbb aku blik umah to take the extra pants, i wudnt b late to arrive at the office...so i wudnt be in such a chaotic situation dat evening....that lead me to forget to change my shoes...

syukur sangat to Allah...sbb smua dh settle...